Monday, April 18, 2011

My Blog Inspiration

Alrighty... I was very inspired by my friend Alex's blog { } Check her out! So I decided to get it all out! :)
After I had my little Bo, I started realizing that something wasnt right. I thought "oh, im just tired, it'll go away once i get some sleep." "oh its just tough having two babies, itll go away once i get in a routine." "oh, its just the baby blues, it'll go away in a few weeks on its own." Then one day, {when Bo was 6 1/2 months old} my husband finally broke down, and told me that he was worried about me. At first, my reaction was, deny, deny, deny. But i finally broke down and realized, i needed help. I truly dont think i would have ever said anything, if it wasnt for my husband. I had no patience for anyone. {however i could deal with my babies, and often dove into being super mom to block my emotions out.} I was always depressed. I had these self-imposed ideas of what a stay at home mom should do, and would become overly hard on myself when i couldnt live up to my own expectations. I cried, i was always tired, i became a hermit, if you looked at me the wrong way i would lose it.
So i finally took the right step, and called my dr. It was so terribly embarassing for me to say the words, "i have post partum depression" that i started crying on the phone with the appointment maker. {whom i went to high school with, to make it even more embarassing.} When i went in for my appointment, all my dr. did was ask how i was, and i started bawling. I didnt have thoughts of hurting my children, but i felt like the biggest failure. He hugged me, and said that i wasnt a bad mom. {which doesnt make a bit of difference when you fail your own ideals.} I was opposed to taking any medication, because i am nursing. But at this point i didnt know what else to do. He gave me a super low dose, and assured me that it wouldnt hurt my baby. That made me feel like an even bigger failure.
My husband has been the hugest help and support. Once i was finally able to admit what was wrong, my life took a complete 180. My relationship with my husband, is better than it has ever been. My attitude towards being a stay at home mom has changed. {although i still have days where i feel like i need to be super mom, and have a spotless house, crafts done, dinner made, desert baking and be 115 lbs.} My babies have a happier, healthier mama, and that right there is the most important thing in the world.
Its been two months, and i will take my last pill tomorrow. It has leveled me back out, and despite all the emotions i had about admiting i had a problem, I thank God everyday that my husband finally said something to me. It changed my life. I always thought, it wouldnt happen to me, and i felt so bad for the moms that had to go through post partum depression. The one thing i learned, is to ask for help. If you ever feel like you cant do it, or you become so overwhelmed your life becomes unlivable, ask for help. {from your signifigant other, from God, from your dr., from a stranger in a chat room.} Having support is key!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Lack of Motivation!!!

SO, Both of my wee ones arent feeling up to par. My big Monster is dealing with allergies. Everytime he comes home from visiting his daddy, he is runny nose and yucky for a few days. Then theres my little bug. He is teething. super yuck! He went from sleeping very well, to sleeping like a newborn. Since i am one of those "on demand" nursers, this means i am up all night too. I dont know how i made it those first few weeks with a newborn and a 2 1/2 year old. Since we're speaking of babies {we were right? :)} i went to my friend Taylors babyshower yesterday. TONS of little girl stuff.... and it just made me think about being pregnant. and babies. and all the cuteness. I. DONT. NEED. ANOTHER. BABY. I have totally forgotten at this point about all the pain of labor. I remember the emotions of the pain... but i dont remember what it felt like to give birth... and this is why i know i could have a whole bunch of babies.
On another note. I have finished my chalkboard... almost. I am just waiting for the right verse to write around the edge. I have a feeling, but i will know when i come across the saying i want in my kitchen. I will post pictures when i am done with all my shenanigans. :)
Now i am going to go back to my babies. Hopefully it wont be too long before i get on here again. But i will leave you with pictures of my adorable boys eating. {i feel like we spend more time around the dining table than anywhere else!}